How to Be Around an Angry Spouse/ Parent/ Sibling/ Friend

HOW TO BE AROUND ANGRY PEOPLE. Anger is a fire that burns everything it touches. It does not discriminate because it is deeply unconscious. If it was conscious it would be selective. It burns ones internal resources. It can cause great harm to the self and to others. Some people use anger as a means for gaining a sense of significance and to feel some control in a situation. This is false and serves no one. Anger will not be quelled unless it is closely examined. Its effects are clear. You do not feel better after feeling angry, you hurt people in anger, you hurt from anger, prolonged anger makes you sick and is exhausting. Anger is to identify strongly with ideas that are not necessarily true. It takes a great amount of energy to sustain a state of anger. It is difficult to help someone when they are angry. It is as dangerous as helping a drowning person in the midst of panic. There is a very real risk that they will themselves cause you to drown in your effort to help them. So how do you help someone who is drowning? You swim to them, approaching them from behind. You take your arm and hold them across their chest from behind. In this position they can’t do anything to harm you, they’re looking up and away from the water and you can safely swim them to safety. In the same way, when dealing with an angry person, do not supplicate to their anger by being unconscious and taking everything they are dishing out but don’t speak out of anger yourself either. Let them vent and listen very consciously without taking offence. They will burn everything they come into contact with. Protect yourself with conscious effort. Use your “Attention Energy” as a fire fighter would spray his hose on an inferno. Fire eventually burns itself out. Once all of the energy has been burnt out, what remains is the same person you love in a more normal state. To fight fire with fire will not work and an angry person will not be receptive to anything you have to say most likely. Help dissipate the anger by simply listening without taking offence or taking position on any point. This is what an angry person needs. Anger is a one-way expression. It burns itself out, then comes the time to begin rebuilding and potentially reshaping the house of obsolete views, assuming that is the conversation that the truth demands. You mustn’t waste energy trying to communicate at a time when no one is willing to listen and understand. That time is definitely not when someone is angry. Let anger be the one-way expression and then bring on your love and more of your clarity.